Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
