You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
