i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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