I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
