I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
As shirtless as possible
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
