We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
