My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just high enough for therapy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
