I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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