I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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