I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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