your thong is hanging out like whoa
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
