I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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