im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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