I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
