dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
