She said her name was "party"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
