I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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