Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
