why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
