In the future we'll all be gay
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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