I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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