Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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