When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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