I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
