ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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