Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
