Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I stole a fireplace last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
