Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
