I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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