do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
