he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
