Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
