Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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