I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
