he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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