Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
