i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
