How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
