I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
