The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
