apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
