I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
