dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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