It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
