he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
