I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
