Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
