he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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