remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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