How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
