my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
