do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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