It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
