How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
