I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
