My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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